The me inside of ME

20 down, 20 to go!

2011-06-26T10:07:00.001-07:00

Today

2011-06-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

I just can't stop staring at this! That is 18 lbs difference in the pictures. I can just imagine the next!

65 days and a new decade!

2011-06-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

I soooo remember being excited about 183lbs! LOL I just beat the 170's and weighted in at 169.8 this am. I am sure you can imagine how I feel :) smiley faces just can't even explain LOL!

Yup, that about sums it up!

60 days of trying

2011-06-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

60 days! the thing that I love about MFP is that it works! I can't believe that I found something that actually works. I am about 1 lb away from entering into another decade in my weight loss! I was in the 190s then the 180s and am currently in the 170's and am sooo close to see a 169 and I just cannot wait! of course I have to because its all up to me on when I see it happen...bu being this close has completely rededicated me. I haven't been this small since I was in my early 20's.... and the best part is that honestly, its been pretty easy. I really do believe that weight loss is 80% diet, 20% exercise. As long as you are expelling more calories than you are taking in, you will lose weight.

I've been a little annoyed because I got my period back yesterday.... I was hoping for a long time before I had to deal with TOM again, but I guess its the price I pay to have Kane sleeping for the majority of night. Thanks to TOM I have been fighting hard with my urge to eat any and all crap! yesterday I practically forced Ty to go out and get his supper so I could get a milkshake. The difference was that when I had it, of course I thought MMMM YUM, but I was also thinking.. this is totally unnecessary. I don't need these calories. The difference is that when go home I put on my shoes and went for a run. And I am glad I did because I woke up this morning to a nice drop in weight :) YAY! I weighted in at 170.8 sooo close to another decade.... and I am pretty surprised to see it dropping even with how bloated I am feeling....

55 days on MFP!

2011-05-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/251737-55-days

NSV baby!

2011-05-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

So I had a great day today :) its late so this is going to be another short post...but man. I went and got some new sports bra's today for running... down TWO band sizes and the cup size is smaller and I spill out a little bit...but I didn't mind because I know my cup size will go down when I stop nursing Kane... I was so excited, and right now and wearing a sports bra over any of my nice ones :) Then I picked up two shirts for running, and without even trying them on just bought them....in a size.... medium :) GO ME! Oh ya... AND I was in desperate need of some actual short shorts. the shortest shorts I owned where like capris... YA. Not conducive to tanning my legs.... and so I went to American Eagle.... this time last year I cried in american eagle because I hadn't been able to wear their jeans in sooo long and actually fit into a size 14. Then I got pregnant and those jeans were put away until last month! Woohoo.... and so I grab a bunch of 14s... and yup, you guessed it... they were ALL too big.... I could comfortable go down to a size 12 and snuggly fit into a size 10. SIZE 10 AT AMERICAN EAGLE....DUDE... I swear when I break into the single digits in pants at american eagle, I am going to wear a shirt that says my pant size. LOL Talk about remotivation after falling off the weekend! WOOT WOOT!
Oh ya... 175.2lbs today... not back to what I was before the Niagara Falls incident... but getting there! and whatever... I just bought size 12 shorts from American Eagle today. I fucking rock... (and yes I swear and actually said that when I was trying them on in the change room!

Fell off the wagon

2011-05-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

I had a great weekend family wise, not so much eating wise.... I never thought it would be so easy to fall back into my old ways so quickly. Tyler and I had an impromptu trip to Niagara Falls. I had only been when I was a young child so had no memory of it so it was fun and exciting for us all! Yale loved it, and it was a great day... except my willpower. I left in here in London :) on the way out for the trip home we stopped and grabbed some fudge. I got a slab of fudge and a caramel apple. Suffice it to say all was gone within the next 12 hours :( BAD. Then we went on a scenic drive down highway 3 along lake erie. That was such a last second decision I forgot to pack some snacks...and thus ended up gorging on chocolate and crap. I also had gotten frustrated with week 5 of the c25k because I just could not run the second 8 minute interval without walking... However yesterday when I stepped on the scale I saw that I had gained weight, and I was just not proud of myself for dropping the ball on eating well and exercising.... so I pushed myself to go out and run that second 8 minute interval. I kept trying to talk myself out of it, but I pushed myself out the door and gave myself shit for quitting so easily on my eating and exercising and as a punishment I HAD to push through the run... which I did. I am soooo glad I did. I am back on the horse. This is where I usually would just give in to defeat and revert to my old ways of binging on terrible foods, and never exercising. I am so proud of myself for going back to MFP and logging food again, and for continuing on with c25k... I can really see a new me on the horizon... even if I did gain back 4 pounds in one weekend.... I fell off the wagon, but unlike the old me, I picked myself up and jumped back on! WOOHOO!

I hate my scale!

2011-05-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

It keeps me on my toes that for sure! digital scales drive me nuts. mine jumps up and down by a pound and a bit and it drives me nuts! So I got on the scale this am because its official weigh in day today and I see 174.4 then get off and it says error. So I jump back on and its down to173 even. Then I go on again an hour later and its back to 174.4 but doesn't say error...GRRR.... So I am going to stick with the 173 because its pretty :) LOL
I was visiting a friend of mine yesterday....haven't seen her since I was in labour with Kane. and as I am standing in the door she says to me. "I haven't seen you this thin before" YAY! she noticed... I mean clearly I am thinner than when I was full term with an 8 lb baby.. but she has seen me on a weekly basis all through the last 4 years... and the fact is. I have never been this thin before since we met. I think i was around 180 lbs when I started at my job... where we met... I just smile and said thanks, I haven't been this thin before! LOL

Anyhoo... I have a feeling I'm going to be entering a time of slower weightloss as I focus more on my running. I'm going to go this weekend and register for my first ever 5k this July... and night run...and I bet its going to be way too hot... but I just want to go out and get a race under my belt. A girl on a blog I read said "you will never regret any race ever" so I am going to hold her to it :)

Damn you week 5!

2011-05-18T12:13:00.000-07:00

So today was my redo of week five day 2.... the dreaded 8 minute run intervals.... Last time I did it I wasn't prepared for 8 minutes... I figured it would be 5 minute run intervals again... imagine my confusion when I am running and running and running... wtf? Anyhoo so I decided to repeat because day 2 is the big scary 20 minute run...OMFG! I know and so I must make sure I can run that damn second interval before I think I can move on! I run the first 8 min, no prob! its the damn second one... around 3 minute in I am praying for my bell to signal I am finished, and thus I stop to check my time.... and always have 5 minutes left...GRRR... but w5d2 you will not get me down! I will conquer you! Oh yes I will... and so the above picture is my game face... even after being defeated the second time... third times the charm!

uh......

2011-05-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

...that is all.

Non Scale Victory

2011-05-15T16:19:00.000-07:00

A non scale victory or NSV is something that is victorious in your weight loss journey, but has nothing to do with the actual scale or your weight directly. I had one of those today.... I sold my stupid Nintendo Wii today with the help of kijiji. Sold the wii fit and balance board first to a lady. Wanted to hint at her, that it won't help her lose weight since losing weight in my opinion is 80% diet and 20% exercise... but whatever. Thanks for your money, good luck with that. Then I sold the rest of the Wii to a man who was buying it for his kids for a communion present. There you go, I can imagine they will play it WAY more than I ever did! Enjoy.
So Tyler and I pack the kids up and head out to sportschek... yup that right there should be a sign that the times, they are a changing...LOL. My first intent was to just go and buy weights. I know I need to add weight training to my workout routine, but once I got there and saw all the awesome clothes, that went out the window. I first found a nice Under Armour tank that has been marked down from 59.99 to 19.83. Yes. score :) Then I am looking at the technical running clothes. I know its going to get hot here soon and I need to invest in some shorts. Nike, Under Armour, everything is like $70 and then I come across Diadora running capris. So I grab myself a large and head to the dressing rooms to try them on.... Now an issue I have been having with running and my current pant situation is that my little apron of skin (no longer full of fat) keeps pushing them down because well.... they are just too big, and I spend the marjority of my runs, pulling my pants up.. its a great look I am sure (I don't mind though, because its proof I am shedding the poundage). So I try on the large... and they fit nicely, but I can pull the waist our a good four inches around my stomach. WTF? I think... am I really doing this, but I ask the sales girl to grab me a medium... ME! trying on a medium. Anyhoo...so I get the mediums, try them on and bam... perfect fit. Holy shit I think to myself as I am looking in the mirror.... I can NOT believe that these fit me... So now I feel great. If I could have I would have high fived the sales lady as I was handing her the too big large and walking away with my mediums. I was so happy I grab the same style only in a short short :) I am just that brave to run in shorts :) I am in a size medium after all, and not in the obese category for BMI. I have a right to rock these shorts.

The pessimist in me that I like to shush up and tell her to fuck off keeps popping into my head and telling me that diadora is probably just sized larger. I say fuck her, I'm rocking medium pants! YEAH BABY!

its weight in day

2011-05-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

That time of the week :) Yay Thursdays! LOL

Todays weight was 175.8 lbs. YAY :)

and for a little self motivation

I know I should have taken the tank of, because Ty says most off the slimming has happened around my rib cage and waist.... next time..I swear... I can still tell a difference!

just some thoughts

2011-05-11T13:52:00.000-07:00

I think I am really starting to notice the weight loss.... I have a pair of pyjama pants that really made it hit home. These are just normal pj pants, but they were always very tight through the hips, and I couldn't even wear them after i was three months along with Kane. Well I put them on the other night, and they fell right down. all. the. way. down. Uhm.... ya... that was a great feeling.... I think I had a stupid grin on my face for the rest of the night! I mean I know I am losing, because the scales tell me so Kane is 3 months and 2 days old today, and I remember when I was home with my mom, proudly exclaiming that i was down to 211, and then 207.... and then i was 195ish the end of march....and today I was 175.8 when i stepped on the scale. Thats 20 lbs people. like. really.... I have lost 20 lbs! And 59 lbs since the highest weight during my pregnancy with Kane.... hell I'll round that up to. 60 lbs lost since feb 9th 2011
There. That feels good to shout. Thats two yales. They've just disappeared. shit.... i need a pat on the back!

I think it has happened....

2011-05-07T18:08:00.000-07:00

I have been bitten by the running bug. I get it. When I was younger I remember looking at runners and saying to my sister... "what would ever posess someone to run for no reason?" I didn't get it back then Now, that said sister took up running, and started to enjoy it. I thought, okay is she likes it, maybe there is something to this. Now my main motivation to try out running was to make my heart strong. Second to lose weight.... third... to be a "runner" Now I just want to be a runner... well I am a runner. I don't need much self motivation to get out there and do it. maybe a little inner pep talk to push through when I get a stitch in my side or when my soundtrack shuffles and I can hear my haggard breathing and feel like a fat girl running... but still I am out there doing it. I AM RUNNING. and don't tell the old me this, but I actually really like it! I like pushing myself mentally and physically. I like seeing myself getting stronger, breathing more easily, and finishing something that just a few weeks ago I thought I never could do.

Oh P.S. 177.4 lbs this am :)

Yesterday

2011-05-06T06:58:00.000-07:00

was official weigh in day, but I didn't post because I knew I'd be reaching a new goal today. So here I am with my weight in from this morning of 178.4 lbs :) Goal reached 3 weeks early! WOOHOO!

183.8 April 27th--DONE!

178.8 May 27th --Met May 6th
173.8 June 27th
168.8 July 27th
163.8 Aug 27th
158.8 Sept 27th
153.8 Oct 27th
148.8 Nov 27th

buh bye!

2011-05-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

I am saying buh-bye to the 180's forever! jumped on the scale this am and saw a 179.8 Ya, just barely under... but officially out of the 180's! I am proving to myself and everyone out there, I can do this! I CAN lose this weight!

Oh, and I went for my run on Saturday and my lululemon pants that used to be very snug...kept falling down :) can't wait to drop below that 175 mark and earn myself some new running gear :)

Weigh in Day

2011-04-28T06:59:00.000-07:00

:)

182 Even!!!! YAAAAA BAAABBBBYYYY!

I have lost 2.4 lbs since the 22nd :) (thats one week people) Lets keep it up. I have unintentionally been on the "zig zag" diet... where, without going into huge detail you eat two days at or near 1200 calories, and then you eat a day at maintenance so around 2200 calories for me. Its just because some days I have more will power than others... and by doing this you can trick your body into having a high metabolism but eat at a low caloric intake for the majority of the time.... it seems to have worked this week so I will continue for the next week with more purpose and check out the results next Thursday!

Just a little outline of my goals :)

2011-04-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

So I am just going to put this out there into the world o the weight loss goals I am going to achieve this year :) I am looking at losing a healthy 5 lbs per month... :) I think it is attainable, and manageable :)

183.8 April 27th -- DONE!
178.8 May 27th
173.8 June 27th
168.8 July 27th
163.8 Aug 27th
158.8 Sept 27th
153.8 Oct 27th
148.8 Nov 27th

There, it is out there in the universe, now it can come true :) (I might have to giggle around AUG and SEPT)

drum roll please......

2011-04-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

183.8 lbs on April 25th 2011
Thats the lowest my weight has been since before I got pregnant with Yale! OMG!

Carry on, that is all....off to do my happy dance now!

I have.....

2011-04-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

the best boyfriend ever. Its true. Now certain indicators of the past would not agree with that sentiment, but because I have vowed to move forward and leave the past behind, he really REALLY is amazing... Bah, screw that statement... he is the best hands down, no matter what. I could go on and on about how I haven't done the dishes once since Kane was born (10 weeks) or how he cooks all the time or that he tells me he loves me 100+ times a day.... What really hit me was today, after my shred, he went to lay down in bed, and I am in there talking to him in all my sweaty glory. Only wearing my sports bra and these neon orange pants with my stretch marks hanging out, and i am not even in the slightest sucking in my belly fat...because well... that would just be futile. Anyhoo... so there i am looking "fly" and he has the audacity to tell me I am beautiful, and that I am really slimming out. Now the scale begs to differ...they haven't budged in a few days, and as I am typing this my son is counting my rolls (including my uniboob). So while Tyler is proceeding to tell me he thinks i look good, in the back of my head i am thinking.."ya whatever buddy, look at me and tell me the opposite of what you are thinking" but really, Tyler isn't that type of guy...and frankly, I don't think his thought process had the time to think "I should try and falsly make her feel good by telling her she looks skinny" so in all my sweaty glory, I have the best boyfriend ever. Tyler... you rock!

Yay! I'm overweight!

2011-04-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

So on myfitnesspal, they have this section called "tools" where they have tickers and badges and whatnot for your weightloss.... well they also have a BMI calculator. Now I know the BMI system has some flaws to it, but in general its a pretty accurate indicator of your weight/health. (I know large people can be perfctly healthy and thus the flaws in the system) I have for at LEAST the last 3 years ranged in the obese category. I think the highest I have checked is having an BMI of 32... ya, thats obese people. Anyhoo, today for poops and giggles I decided, what the hay, lets check it out.....and.... drumroll please... I am OVERWEIGHT here people...thats right! Overweight... I know... funny thing to get excited about, but its a lot better than obese! my new BMI is 29.8.... yeah baby... take that! oh and that is with the scale screaming at me that I STILL weight 184.4lbs... lowest since Yale

time is relative

2011-04-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

20 minutes? 20 minutes used to be nothing to me. "oh I'll be there in 20 minutes" or "I'll be back in 20" Today... as i was shredding with Jillian AFTER my c25k I was on the second circuit and thinking... its only 20 minutes, why do I feel like i am going to die. Truth is. in that moment... i wasn't dying. I am dying now. now that my muscles have stopped panicing and are now bitching at me about what i am doing to them. Seriously, I have to psych myself up to go and get a glass of water for Yale when he asks... getting off the couch is Just.That.Hard. ugh....

but, and this is a huge HUGE but here! I did it! i worked out "two a days" as those athletes would say. two workouts in one day....albiet mine are only 20-25 minute work outs, I still did it... and I took the damn stairs again after my run.... thats right folks... I live on the 9th floor... yes NINTH floor... normally after a run I take the stairs because...it just seems right... and i usually start to pass out around the 3 or 4th...and i think i am going to die around the 7th... not today... today I thought i was going to die on the 8th! YEAH BABY.... hello endurance :)

14 days straight

2011-04-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

I joined myfitnesspal a long time ago. Its this website where you track the food you eat. it helps you set up your daily caloric goal, and as you eat you track and it tells you how many more calories you need to eat in order to reach your goal. Its a pretty nifty little website and I like it because I also have the app on my phone, so there is no excuse for not logging my food. Anyhoo... i left it when i got pregnant with Kane because well, I just stopped caring and ate what i wanted..... and therefore here i am.

Anyhoo I realized today that I had a little mini goal reached! 14 days straight of logging. I am still getting the hang of things back on that website, but it is a great place to go for support and motivation (I stalk the success stories threads like a creepy old guy)

Oh ya, and a not so mini goal... I am officially at the lowest weight i have been since having Yale.... that is 3 years people. I have reached this weight only once before and it was shortly before getting pregnant with Kane when i was trying to eat Paleo. Turns out paleo doesn't work for me.. its much too restrictive and i couldn't hack it and gained back like 11 lbs before i got knocked up :)

I also did my first day of the 30 day shred today with jillian micheals. OMG. I did it in the bedroom because I was just prepared to not look good at all, and really, Tyler did not need to see me like that! I sure was right. I can say I do not remember ever EVER in my life sweating to the point that the sweat is flinging off of my face. Ya, pretty picture right there.... but damn... that crazy chick sure knows what she is doing... and that was just level one... I only have 9 more days of level one and than bam... another ass kicking... and thus follows until I am done the final 10 days at level 3.... Its going to hurt and suck, and I may just cry....but I can tell... its going to be worth it :)

on a side note.... i did not manage to do my c25k run today :( BOOOO HISSS! I know I know. My excuse is the weather... it was freaking snowing outside. And yes I already know what you are thinking, because i have thought it about 10 times today. weather is not an excuse. and really its not. but its going to be that way today. my knee is sore, it needs some sort of rest (I promise i will run tomorrow... no matter what excuses i can muster up) but my biggest issue was that i am running in my old nike shox. old shoes that the soles are worn through and i didn't want to slip. Now when my fancy new kicks show up that my lovely sister Erica bought for me for my birthday...there will be no excuses! None...nothing will be acceptable... NOPE! and I have to remember that I really REALLY want to run with Erica this fall, and not have to watch her running ahead of me, but to be able to run WITH her.... I already have the image in my mind of how awesome it will be with us running and my mom waiting at the finish line with my two boys cheering me on.... I WILL RUN DAMNIT....

so get off my case ok :)

30 day shred

2011-04-17T20:23:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow i am adding the 30 day to my work out routine. I have high hopes of doing it every single day for the next 30 days, as well as continuing on in my c25k. which means 3 times a week i will be doing "two a days" working out twice in one day. While Tyler is still laid off he is doing a good job of taking care of the boys so that i can go for my run. The plan when he goes back to work is to do my shred at some point during the day, and run at night when he gets home from work.

So they recommend that you take before pictures as well as measurments before starting the 30ds so I did.. ugh... and I had Tyler take pics of me when i first started to get on this fitness kick.... and yes.... i will share them with you...but not until the end :)

My measurments however, are public knowledge.... here we go

Neck- 14.5 in
Left arm- 13 in
Right arm 12.5 in
Waist around the belly button 42 in
Hips 44 in
Left Thigh 25 in
Right Thigh 24.5 in
L calf 16.5 in
R calf 16 in

Isn't it funny that my left side is bigger than my right? I didn't know dominant side could make that much of a difference.... Hmm...

Anyhoo... oh and my weight has been 185.5 I'd love to lose that 5lbs! if not more.... but the inches make all the difference....

Wish me luck!

Welcome back!

2011-04-16T11:58:00.000-07:00

Okay...I am back. We welcomed a beautiful bouncy boy into our lives on February 9th 2011. He is the most amazing and HEALTHY little boy! Now that he is here, and we are both deemed to be healthy, I am back on that darned weightloss journey. I wasn't really in control of my weight gain with Kane. at the highest I was 234lbs. I am breastfeeding so the initial weight came off quickly, but now i am sort of stuck at 186. I have joined myfitnesspal again to track my calories, and i have set the goal to run a 5k this fall with my sister (or alone if she happens to get knocked up and can't race) I have started the couch to 5 k program and am just beginning week 2, but so far am loving it :) I love the feeling knowing i am pushing my body. I love the endorphins, and how i feel. But most of all, I love that I am just doing it. Me. I AM DOING IT. I am a self professed procrastinator, and am lazy lazy lazy, so for me to have the self motivation to get up and get out there. Its pretty shocking to say the least.
I have had some non scale victories already since having Kane. I fit into american eagle jeans again. I bought these jeans last summer when i was at my lowest....and i pulled them out and put them on no problem. I have a bit of a roll over the top...but no worse than when i first bought them :) I also put on a pair of jeans that have been put away since i got pregnant with yale....and they fit too!!! And today i put on a denim tube top i have had since before Tyler and I got together....and well... i could zip it up, and it was snug....but it did up.... another 10 lbs and that shirt is gunna look damned sexy on me!
I am pretty amped up about this journey. I hope can stay motvated, and honest with myself. and mostly. I hope i reach my goals and am one hot sexy chick this time next year :)

Surprise

2010-06-18T13:59:00.001-07:00

turns out I'm knocked up :)

this is a happy thing! Albiet the weight loss will be put on hold but a focus on healthy eating and activity will be the main focus so I don't gain 60lbs again!

:)

I am so over the moon!

Woohoo!

2010-06-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

So I weighed myself today. If you remember correctly I started this journey at 192.4 lbs. I weighted myself today and I weight 189.2! Thats a loss of three lbs! I know its pretty fast, but I think its only because of how I've made the inital change to my caloric intake.

I know I have a long ways to go but I want to talk about how far I've come already. After Yale was discharged from the hospital the last time after his heart transplant, I came home and stepped on the scale. I was 208.9 lbs. At the time of course it bothered me, but definitely not as much then as it would now if I was still that weight. I never ever thought I would hit the 200 mark...(except maybe during a pregnancy) And there I was with a nice 10lb jump on the 200s. I don't even remember saying wow I should do something about this. I didn't even care. Wait, thats not right. of course I cared. I just didn't care enough to do anything about it. I didn't care enough to eat and live healthy, to teach my son how to be and live healthy. That was pretty rude of me to do I think. So flash forward to today and Yale is well out of poor health for a year and ahalf and NOW I've decided to try and keep him that way! And to do that, for the long term, is to teach him about eating healthy, being active, and taking care of your soul. I hope I can come back to this post if I ever get discouraged for some reason or another. Its not just about weight loss anymore. Its about getting and keeping my family heart healthy!

Here we go!

2010-06-17T05:55:00.000-07:00

So I actually got up this morning and worked out. Today was just the pps challenge again...but it has been done! And might I add BEFORE 9 am! That must be some sort of record. Anyhoo I don't think this would be that big of a post since i'm still going steady since starting this yesterday ;)

But After my insane workout yesterday I thought it would be a good time for a before picture. So i'm biting the bullet and making this public!!!!

Sexy huh?

worked out :)

2010-06-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

So I realized as I was texting Tyler (the boyfriend) that I had done my pushups/situps/squats (pss) challenge yesterday (my thighs are burning from the squats) and that I has planned to do bodyrock workouts on the days inbetween. So I did my first one today and well... I am sweaty to say the least!

i did 3 circuits of 6 different exercises. I was ready to quit after the first exercise.... and I cam really close to stopping after the first and second round. but i toughed through even if I quit 2 seconds before the interval was over. i found a nifty timing website to count my intervals for me. 30 seconds each exercise to 30 seconds rest. this is the website i used. And this is Zuzana's workout. Bitch is crazy is all I can say!

Started counting calories on an application I downloaded onto my phone. Tomorrow I'll be doing week1day3 on c25k on my way home from work :)

Suicidal sweat Workout

2010-06-16T04:44:00.000-07:00

I came across this girl yesterday in my internet travels who makes free workout videos. This girl is nutso! But I think I'm going to attempt her suicidal sweat workout! She is KRAZY! here is the video. Yes she looks fantastic with her boobs and everything out... So I don't think Ty will mind watching this while I do the work out :) I'll let you all in on how day one went down. The plan is to do it this afternoon when my son Yale is down for a nap! Wish me luck!

A little introduction rambling :)

2010-06-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

Okay so this is kind of wierd right now to write like I am talking to "someone" even though I don't plan on sharing it much. I assume at some point I will so I'll just refer to anyone who is reading as you :). I like to brag about things and I think its sometime off putting. Half the time I don't realize how I come off while I'm talking until its too late. I think 'ah geez, I'm such a shmuck' but by then its too late. So please don't take it as sleezy full on bragging? I won't have the ability to edit out my 'shmucky-ness' without losing lots of trains of thought, so I'll just be me. As brash as that is!

So I JUST read for the first time today a blog a girlfriend of mine has set up on her weight loss. She unlike me has been sucessful at getting the weight off and keeping it off. I am in awe of her will power, and sheer strength to just not take the easy way out and eat what she wants and just sit on the couch and watch t.v.

I'm sort of creating this blog act as source of accountability. To be completely honest with myself and anyone that may stumble upon this blog! I want to be skinny. I KNOW I am a skinny girl trapped in a fat girl's body. I have the confidence of someone who is at the least 50 lbs lighter than I am now if not more! I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. I weight 192.4 lbs today. I'm actually not that upset with that number because in January I weighted 203.2 lbs. So I've lost some weight.... but currently I gained back about 6 lbs of what I had recently lost. ANNOYING! That is because I have no juck food will power. I can eat crap for weeks at a time. i binge and binge and binge... and then something like Kelly's blog comes along and reminds me that HELLO! I am supposed to be on a weightloss journey. QUIT EATING CRAP!

So here I am. first day off of a binge...(so far if I keep my eating in check!) And I am starting the blog. Its going to be used in many ways...but mostly just a theraputic means for me to work through this struggle.

Thanks for reading!